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grigoryev_trans

Bolduman's translations (rough yet sensitive)

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Feb. 12th, 2008 | 06:27 am
posted by: sensanome in grigoryev_trans

 

Теневой профессор Б. перевёл эти же строчки на французский язык:

...Que vous laisserai-je, quand je m'en irai?
Comment glorifier mon histoire?
Dans mon testament, mes amis - oui, c'est vrai -
Y a rien - et - laissez vos espoirs!
La plage et les yachts, et les mouettes dont la voix
Anime toutes ces jaunes marees -
Tout ca, toute la Terre - je l'emporte avec moi
Vivez donc sans terre...
Et pleurez!

А также на итальянский:

 

Che vi lascero', quando il tempo verra'
Di scrivere il mio testamento?
Nessuno di voi non avra’ – non avra’ -
Nessuno di voi! - proprio niente…
La spiaggia di sabbia, il mare – e poi –
Le barche – persino la rete! –
Li porto con me, mi scusate… e voi –
Vivete cosi’…
E piangete!

(редактировала Анна Оркис)

 

польский:

A co wam zostawie – jak przyjdzie moj czas?
Co moge zostawic wam – prawie?
Nie bedzie niczego – niczego!- dla was –
Na Ziemi ja nic nie zostawie.
I jachcik, i zagiel, i caly ten swiat –
I piasek ten zloty, i morze –
To wszystko zabieram ze soba…
Sto lat
Bez swiata! Wiec moglo byc gorzej…

 

немецкий:

Was werde ich lassen – wenn kommt meine Zeit
Von unserer Welt weg zu gehen?
Nichts! Gar nichts. Ach, Freunde, es tut mir so leid –
Doch muesst Ihr es deutlich verstehen.
Die Kueste, das Boot und die Moewen am Strand,
Die Sonne, die am Himmel scheinet –
Ich nehm’ alles mit. Auch das Wasser. Den Sand.
So lebt ohne alles – und weinet!

(редактировала Анна Оркис, но так и не доредактировала)

 

и литовский:

Ka as jums paliksiu kaip sianden mirtis
Ateis – ka jus gausit, broliukai?
Jums nieko cia laukti… Stai mano mintis.
Jus nieko negausit, berniukai!!!
Ir jura geltona, sakau butinai,
Ir laiva, ir visa pasauli –
As viska – taip, viska! - paimsiu tenai
Gyvenkit ir verkit be saules!

 

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Comments {5}

cor_bealaigh

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from: cor_bealaigh
date: Feb. 16th, 2008 10:25 am (UTC)
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Es muss heissen: Wann kommt meine Zeit...

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THEORKIS

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from: sensanome
date: Feb. 16th, 2008 11:02 am (UTC)
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endlich.
care to join the community?

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cor_bealaigh

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from: cor_bealaigh
date: Feb. 17th, 2008 02:36 am (UTC)
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I do care…okay lets talk about it. I like it, it’s good beside the “wenn” part. As I already mentioned. But and I’m sorry for that in advance, I think there is something missing, I mean maybe you should rewrite it. When I have a look at the others, I miss here the inheritance (Erbe, erben, vererben, hinterlassen, Hinterlassenschaft, Legat) part. With your “lassen” in the beginning, it’s not the same meaning, not same intensity, even I can guess, and because I read the others….
Also this middle phrase: Doch muesst Ihr es deutlich verstehen. This doesn’t really belongs here, while I thinking of a translation. Although I can see that you used this phrase because of the pattern and the connection to the following… What I’m trying to say, as “solitaire” poem it is good. But as a translation of Grigoryev it lacks a little bit.
I think you should always keep in mind that this trans. will be read by people how only talking/knowing one lang. So they can’t compare… (because this should be the real sense of a translation, - share a poem like this, so all can have a piece of it.) or so.
Hope you don’t mind my bluntness, this is only my personal opinion.

And one quest. my French lacks what means: marees

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THEORKIS

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from: sensanome
date: Feb. 17th, 2008 11:09 am (UTC)
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Thanks for the helpful commentary! Pls. feel free to re-do the translation and post it as a separate entry. Unfortunately, though I get what you're saying, my poor German doesn't allow me to do it myself.


une marée = a tide; can also be used figuratively.

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cor_bealaigh

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from: cor_bealaigh
date: Feb. 17th, 2008 11:40 am (UTC)
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You're kidding..poor German? I’m sorry I can’t do the trans. because I’m not a writer / poet. I would love to be one, but I already know that I’m not.

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